It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.—unknown.
We seem to have a visceral need to be loved. After food ,shelter and security , the need to be loved is the next need ,according to Maslow.
Our need to be loved tends to be inversely proportional to what we actually are. The more obnoxious we are, the stronger our need to be liked. Does it mean that unconsciously we are aware of our unlikeableness?
This desire makes us to  act in a manner whichwould be acceptable to the people whose love and respect we crave. It is not that this behavior is bad intrinsically. Any good behavior from an obnoxious person is a relief, no doubt. But for the person ,it is not in any way helpful. They have not changed in any way. It is just manipulation and hypocricy.He is getting the respect/ love under false pretences and at the best it is a matter of time before the truth is out.
The way to achive true respect is to become worthy of respect. We have to learn to become more understanding and compassionate.  We need to take the focus away from ourselves and start focusssing on others. We must learn to appreciate others. Accept that even if we are self-made, there are others who have contributed to our success. No man is an island to himself. Right from our forefathers to teachers and friends have contributed to our becoming what we are and we must acknowledge our debt to them.
Another important contributor to being respected is our integrity and  trustworthyness. Even in small things like punctuality and keeping our words , we should be awareful. Though this may sound counter intuitive , we should not be available to evryone all the time. There are times when we need to say “no” to some requests. Time is limited and with all our good intentions , promising more than we can deliver is not the best way to earn respect. It will end up being counter productive.
If we do not love ourselves, it will be futile to expect others to love us. We need not be narcissistic about it but must have enough self respect. Self esteem is all important for everyone. People must know that they cannot treat you like a doormat.
We must live by some definite set of  values. . While we can be flexible and accomodative, we should set our own boundaries.There are certain things that we will not do. A line which we will not cross, if you will.
Ther must be consistency in what you say and do . To profess something but not adhere to it in our own life is a recipe for disaster. Each one of us chooses a role in life. It comes with certain rules and conditions. Anytime we treat our responsibilties cavalierly we court   a lash back.
Be true to yourself is one of the golden rules. Leading a moral and well regulated life does not mean that our life would be drab and dull. Infact the self imposed restrictions will make you more free and let you enjoy life more exuberently and more satisfyingly.